Thought i would not mind if you ever say lies.But recently i was tired,I does not want to pretending anymore.Say you want to say;do what you want to do,dont interfere in my life.I do not love you,the day after i will be fine.Just continue your disguise,i really do not want to play again.You should be happy such a decision,because it is what you want most.From now on,no longer be the one you never liked the girls struggle with;no longer have to forced yourself to chat with her;no longer to try to expain to her.

Some things i really know,but i do not want to say that because i do not want to hurt you.So,please be honest,do not lie to me or disguise,because i'm not stupid people.Is very much aware that i would like to ask you who avoid heart problem.Well,i'm very regret that we cannot together,but the regret will dissappear someday.Now promise myself,study hard and lose weight,afterthat departure for the love again.

If i can be like my sister did have the opportunity to study abroad,i will cherish it.I really want to leave here,to throw away all the bad memories i had and know more friends,enjoy some quite life.......

When i write this article,i was out my tears:(

I thought that i has many friends,but when im not happy and looking for friends to complain,actually not one.Even if there is,i think she does not like to listening,so i prefer dont tell.Do you know?I hate when you clearly know what i mean,you are disguised.I really do not understand your heart in mind.Do you really common when i was your friend?If i do decide to give up,you really happy?You will never know,how my heart is too uncomfortable when you say we are just good friend forever.Knowing that you did not like me,but i still persistant,it is because i do  really love you.I'm not chasing no one,nor is unwanted,but i think that seat in my heart is only belongs to you.But you never know what i want.Even if you know that, you will not accept me.Recently,i  felt a sense of distance with you.When i texting with you,i really want to tell you everything,but in the end i still have the courage,that is because i know the answer you gave.Sometimes,i'd rather do not want you to contact me,i do not like to hear what you say i will be unhappy all day.How much  i hope that you will personally told me that you love me,but i know it will never happen........

好累

最近患上了老人痴呆症，总是忘记这个，忘记那个。昨天差点忘记买朋友的生日蛋糕，差点庆祝不到咧。还好妹妹的提醒，我立刻换衣服出去买。今天又忘记英文考试，更离谱的是我居然忘记这个星期四要考mid-year exam。唉......死咯，今次的考试一定全科不及格咯，到现在都不知自己在做着什么。很想不读，可是我知道爸妈一定不允许。身边有几个跟我比较好的朋友也是读到明年就不读了。看到一个接一个地离开，心里有一种冲动想不读了。老实说，目前的我已经有几科跟不上了，每天都逼自己去死背。LCCI真的不容易读，现在有点后悔当初为什么不坚持去ktar读hotel management。有时候，我也真的很讨厌搭车。没有人会知道，一个人在车站等巴士的感受是怎样。如果那时候还下着大雨的话，你简直会想哭出来，没人理的时候真的很无助。搭车就算了，回到珠毛巴刹却没人来载我回家，唯有自己走路咯，还蛮“近”的啦......停还是不停?其实心里已经有了答案，只是我的答案只能埋在心里的最底层不可以说出口。两年.....我每天都安慰自己说：“两年很快过，我要坚持继续读下去，至少拿到几张文凭才离开，将来要找到一份很好的工作，这样爸爸妈妈才不会对我感到失望。”可是现在的我真的不知道自己可以撑到多久。我曾经告诉一个朋友说我不想读的时候，她的反应还蛮大的，说了一些我听了会感到内疚的话，所以我再也不敢跟任何人说“我想休学”这四个字。算了，说出来舒服一点了。我知道，选择权永远都没我份，所以只好跟随父母的planning 而走，至少他们不会对我感到失望和不开心。

可不可以.......

可不可以有一个人摸摸我的头，然后轻轻地跟我说“没关系，尽力就好....”


可不可以有一个人借我肩膀靠一靠，然后让我任性地哭一次；


可不可以有个一人在我失落的时候，会走上来紧紧地抱着我；

可不可以有一个人在我睡醒的时候，会信息跟我说“早安.....”


可不可以有一个人在我临睡前，会主动地跟我说一声“晚安......"


可不可以有一个人在我觉得很孤单的时候，会跟我说“别怕，你还有我。”


可不可以有一个人在我不舒服的时候，会无微不至地关心和照顾我；

可不可以有一个人在我寂寞的时候，会告诉我说“我想你了....”

身边的每个朋友都找到自己的幸福了，拍拖的拍拖；复合的复合。当每个人都在说她们的爱情故事的时候，我突然想离开自己的座位，跑到远远的。因为我了解自己一旦参入了他们的话题里，心里会很酸；很想哭；所以我不允许自己再为了爱情这家东西而哭的一天。

最近都过得很好，从早忙到晚，自己也变的比以前更努力。一个星期至少有几天会留在学校到四五点做revision,因为搭车的关系，所以六点半那样才到家。然后就一直睡，一直睡，睡到八点多才起来吃饭冲凉。到了晚上就做功课；看戏。也只有这样，我才不会有空再去想起那些不开心的事。坦白一点，我很努力地想去把这一切忘掉。有时候，我还蛮讨厌我自己的，因为我半夜睡不着的时候，第一个信息的人却是他，就算知道他明明是睡着了，我还是想要信息他。或许有一天，我真的不会再主动去先跟他谈天，只是不知道这一天几时才会到来。笨蛋赖淑筠！！！！不是说好了不要再抱着希望了吗？是啊！我再也不会对他抱着任何希望的；再也不要做常常被拒绝的那个人，做朋友就好了。因为被拒绝的感觉很不好，苦苦地......如果可以，我当然想做拒绝别人的那个啦，至少痛苦的那个人不是我嘛，（呵呵！好坏哦我）开玩笑的啦，如果我遇到真心爱我的人，我一定会对他死心塌地的。所以啊，老天爷，请您快快安排一个帅哥给我啦xDD

不过现在我暂时不会去想，因为要考external了，心里紧张+害怕得要命。UBS要拿六十分才及格，我上次的mid year exam才拿六十分，现在考外国试咧，我看我今次 fail定咯。这几天学校都没电脑让我做复习，惨了.....惨了.......希望今次不要出那么难咯（*praying hard...*GOD BLESS ME!!!)


Blocking my love,hugging my books------by Jane Lai